Or by the longer title I felt was too long for a title:
'In Which I Celebrate and Reminisce about 4 Months of Wizard Rock and Harry Potter'
I checked my Firefox Internet History, and confirmed, It have been almost exactly 4 months since I came across The Whomping Willow's 'In Which Draco and Harry Secretly Want To Make Out' while looking for fanfictions.
I actually remember it now.
About a month prior (or so) I was bored and by spur of the moment ideaing ended up reading Harry Potter fanfictions. Now I have for some while been a secret fan of Harry and Draco together, ever if just as friends. In fact, I always sort of thought it would be awesome if they had a secret friendship behind all the rivalry. Possibly not an original thought, but it was mine and it was true.
Anyway, so I'd been reading some for a while, but never really found anything terrible close to what I imagined and wanted to read. So one day I googled:
"harry draco friends secretly"
And I got : http://realwizardrock.com/more-bands/the-whomping-willows/house-of-awesome/draco-and-harry-secretly-want-to-make-out/
and then http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7B19i_72Now
And it began.
Remembering all this was spurred on by a sudden and unexpected, by myself and everyone, bout of wild skipping down the street to 'Hey Whompy' by The Remus Lupins. It was freezing cold, the wind was sharp and biting at my face, I was knackered and destroyed by work and post-sickness...and song came on. At the first chorus my feet leapt without my agreement and I skipped. And I skipped the length of the block through the rain and wind, stopping only to cross the road safely.
It was...amazing. Magic.
I really owe my life and happiness to Harry Potter and Wizard Rock.
I was unemployed for 6 months after being made redundant from a job I was overqualified and over intelligent for. 5 months into unemployment I found Harry Potter again.
I was fighting myself. I hated myself. I felt stupid, and so useless that a shit job that I was better than didn't want me. That no job wanted me. I would apply and apply with not so much as a "No thanks". And worst than that possible. I was left with disgusting amounts of spare time to eat away at myself. To realise I had no loves, no passion, no interests of any kind.
Sure, I liked things. Everyone likes things. But I didn't find anything amazing. Nothing got my blood pumping and drove me to do things or feel things.
I felt empty and dead. I hardly felt like anyone. A no one.
And it was frightening. Terrifying.
To realise you didn't like yourself. At all.
And then I found something.
I found wings.
It just started out as reading fanfictions. Than re-reading the book.
I pulled out my Slytherin necklace I got from Hot Topic while in America a couple of years before, along with the Slytherin hoodie that I got along with it.
I found The Whomping Willows. I found Ministry of Magic. I found Parselmouths, Catchlove, The Remus Lupins, Draco and the Malfoys, Harry and the Potters.
I found Wizard Rock.
I found people so passionate about Harry Potter the wrote music about him and his world. Songs. Thousands of them!
And I wanted that. I wanted that love, that passion, that immersion and joy, and happiness, and community and friendship.
And I had it. It was mine.
A passion and love that I could be a part of.
It may sound sappy and lame. But it's true.
To got from hating yourself and who you are, to being being so filled with joy and love over something, it is the most incredible leap for air you could ever make in your life.
It may just be 4 months. But I couldn't have gotten here without those 4 months.
I wish I could have found this world I live in now years ago. But there is no point in wishing for the past to be changed. Nothing ever comes from whatif's and ifonly's.
Regret is for fools. Take the good and be happy and joyful for it. Take the bad and find the good side effect from it.
I have a lot of Harry Potter love to make up for.
This is why getting to LeakyCon 2011 is such an important, almost vital thing for me.
It is why I am prepared to put every spare dollar of mine into getting there and making it the greatest time of my life.
I started living 4 months ago. I plan to keep on living for the rest of my life.
Danielle Penny Lane.
Harry Potter Nerd Fighter.
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